Taking Stock

What a week. It was Wednesday and I was already utterly exhausted! It seems as though I made it, seeing as I am typing away but I never like to look at life in that way; counting down until the weekend. This week was really challenging because I was just run down. I'm not sure if I need to start going to sleep at 9 p.m., I am vitamin deficient, or if it is just a phase, but I want it to be over. I wake up tired, and the feeling stays with me all the live long day. Carrying that feeling around all the time starts to affect other parts of your being. I was doubting myself this week; who I am as a person, what I am doing, and where I am going. That shook me enough to throw me off completely. I started crying in the office because I was just so over everything; I didn't know how to be me, do what I need to do at work and in personal life (although that distinction is a whole lot harder to make here), how to be better, if I could be myself and be who everyone wants/expects me to be, and continually feel so empty. I really just needed a hug... from my mom. Luckily one of my co-workers was wonderful enough to give me a hug while I wailed, and reassured me enough that I got back to a place where I wasn't a blubbering mess. I am thankful for that because I know not everyone is capable of that kind of compassion. This place just makes me question everything all the time and continually challenges me in all facets of my life. That is actually a great thing, but sometimes it is just tiring. Think about doing staff evaluations, or writing report cards... all the time. YIKES! It is also my own fault because I am always comparing myself to others. I know that it isn't a good idea, but seeing the best in others and recognizing that you aren't exemplifying those same characteristics can be a good way to check how you are coming across. I know everyone has their own strengths (and weaknesses) but it doesn't hurt to follow the good example of others, especially when you really really really just want to pull up the covers, close your eyes, and shut out the world.

The best part of my week was the flash sale that took place in the ship shop on Tuesday. As a result of receiving a bunch of containers all at the same time, there was a surplus of items. Since the ship has a limited amount of space for storage, the Sales Manager had the brilliant idea to discount items for just an hour and get rid of some of the inventory. There were three stations: $0.25, $0.50, and $1.00. I helped at the $1.00 table (the expensive stuff, so classy). Our table had some crafts, boxes of cookies, bags of crackers, Pringles (lots of Pringles), t-shirts, and a few other things. Our table was the one closest to the start of the line, so this was the view prior to opening:

Yes, that is a garbage bag and the line does keep going past where you can see. It was beautiful chaos. People were stocking up on junk food like it was the only food group in existence. You might say to yourself, "aren't these supposed to be missionaries, doing without?". Let me tell you how much of a difference a little taste of home can do in your life. Is it necessary? No, (some might disagree) but it really does a lot for morale. Anyway, it was fun for me and it was easy to up-sell, being that items were only a dollar! There were no injuries that I know of, and lots of items were cleared out, so I think that makes it a success.

I was able to go to the seniors home again this week. I am still sitting back a little and just watching the interactions. I am not comfortable holding hands and giving support in that way but it seemed that type of interaction was appreciated by some of the residents. Also, we made a new friend! A man named Michael came and joined us. Previously he had sat in the general vicinity but never in the room. Also,  one of the most vocal residents, after much discussion with one of our chaplains, decided to commit himself to God. Pretty big stuff. In contrast to that, the tiny woman I described last week didn't join us. When I asked why, one of the caregivers explained she was hungover (well that wasn't exactly how it was said, but that's what was going on). Ha! So she was curled up on her bed recovering. Her bags were still packed. 

There doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day to accomplish all I set out to do, and yet sometime the time just draaaaags on. I can't figure that one out; let me know if you can make sense of it. Anyway, I am off to the beach on Sunday. I know what you are thinking, "Marina, you don't even like the beach", and you would be right. There is a pool though, and I love a nice big pool! I'd really prefer a lake, but I choosing not to be too picky at this point. 

Have a great weekend!