An Overdue Update

Hello September! The blog skipped July and August but I sure didn't. It was an incredibly busy couple of months at work. I got lots of overtime pay and when I wasn't at work I was generally sleeping. I still make mistakes everyday (missing an order entry, forgetting the extra lemon, begin inefficient) but I am not scared to make those mistakes. All the things I did wrong come flooding into my mind at the end of the night but that is just the way I am; reflective. I haven't had much feedback from supervisors but I keep checking in to see what I can do better or if there are any problems. We were supposed to have mid-season reviews in June but I think it was just so busy that it was set aside for the time being. With a lot of persistence I finally got my review. My self-review was worse than my supervisor review but that is also how I am: hard on myself.
In July I finally got some company, which was both good and bad. It was nice to have other people around, to hear Giulietta giggling, and to have some more options in the fridge. It was also a challenge because there was less space for me to just sit when I was not working. When there were people around it was less acceptable to isolate myself. I completely understand that but it also makes it hard for me to recharge. I am glad my family was around, no matter how much we fight. One weekend the five of us just sat together for the first time in forever. There was no profound moment of emotional healing but we were all there, being a family the best way we know how. I always hope that we will love each other more, differently, and without resentment. I wish that so much that I make myself so angry that I push myself away from everyone because I am so disappointed. On my drives to and from the city I have taken to listening to podcasts because music just doesn't excite me sometimes. I have been listening to Craig Groeschel from Life Church. I wrote about how much I liked his book #struggles, so I looked into his sermons. He is so great. I feel like he is speaking right to me and it gives me so much hope! He is very clear in his speaking and extremely understandable. Sometimes I have a tough time when sermons are too high level with their content. I end up feeling dumb and discouraged which is not how I want to feel when I am trying to learn and grow.
These months have been filled with tears and fear. I didn't want to share that. I didn't want that to be the main message but I think it is important to assure others they are not alone in their struggles. It is going to be okay. Talk to others. Don't let the voice in your head convince you that people don't care and you aren't worth it.
Between sleeping, working, and crying I managed to read quite a lot (mostly during quiet times at work). Here's my completed book pile:

As you can see it is quite the mix; funny, serious, fiction, non-fiction. The Handmaid's Tale terrified me because what's stopping that from happening today? #struggles spoke to me so clear and it was filled with truth and helpful insight on what technology does to our lives. Strong Looks Better Naked came at a time when I was really struggling with my willingness to get off the couch and get moving. It was encouraging, honest, and a good kick in the butt. Furiously happy was not at all what I usually read but I was so sad that the title caught my eye. When I ignored the profanity there were some funny moments but it didn't end up being my favourite. The Highly Sensitive Person was very technical and sometimes dry but it is about brains and behaviour so I knew it wouldn't have me on the edge of my seat. It did give me some insight into why I act how I do and gave me permission to not be so hard on myself for all my emotions. Divine Direction didn't sink it. I know it was good and talk about making decision that would change your life but I wasn't paying enough attention to let it make a difference. I need that to read one again. The Hiding Place was AMAZING! I loved it so much; I think I read it in a day. What a story of faith and miracles!

I left behind these beautiful views and drove back to school yesterday. I only managed to golf 1 time but it was a beautiful day and I had such a nice time. It was such good exercise; I thought the hills on the front nine were going to be the end of me but I made it through the whole 18 (mostly because I knew I needed to be able to say I played them all).

The drive went more quickly than I had anticipated and I got back to my apartment and promptly decided I needed to buy a bigger shelving unit because the one I had was overflowing. Off to Ikea! It was easy to put together and I did it while watching Under the Tuscan Sun. For some reason unknown to me, I woke up at 4:44am. I suppose it was because I was overheating and my throat was so sore. I had some tea, watched the end of a movie and then got to bed.
Today was the first day of school. But what is the first day of school without some readings? Yes, you read that right I had work to do even before my first class. Thankfully it was not much (only 10 pages) and I had lots of time this morning to get it done before my class. First day of school look:

Why did I wear this sweater?
1. It was chilly
2. To have a piece of Edward with me
3. As I walked along, I realized that it made me feel like I was part of something even in this place where I don't know where I fit.

That's the update!