Moments of Enlightenment

It has been a long couple of months. Yesterday night and this morning have been consumed with doing absolutely nothing productive. Nothing I was doing was contributing to making progress or getting things done. I was sitting and doing a puzzle that my mom had sent me for my birthday, all by myself.

As I was sitting there it dawned on me that someone else could look at me and think I was completely wasting my life working on this puzzle. I mean a puzzle really is an exercise in futility as you build it up only to tear it back down and put it away. It doesn't matter. I like doing puzzles because they occupy my mind, keep me calm, and because you can stop and start whenever you like. Well that last part isn't always true, especially when you have a dad like mine who thinks puzzles look messy and doesn't like them sitting around. I think that is one of the reasons I have said I would like a table solely dedicated to supporting a puzzle in progress at all times (this I how I rebel). All this to say, it got me thinking about how other people spend their free time and how critical I can be when I don't understand it. When I think it doesn't make sense or it is a waste of time (I my opinion) I get angry. That is silly. Everyone needs to decompress. Everyone needs their own time. It might be reading, watching tv or movies, exercising, browsing the Internet or a host of other activities. No matter what it is who am I to judge how someone else uses their time? This is just one of many things that have dawned on me in the last year. Perhaps I will call this the year of enlightenment.

New Dawn, New Day

There was ship holiday on Friday. That means I had the day off! I had a list of the things I wanted to get done, because that is just how it works for me. I find it to be a little unnerving that on my list I wrote "get outside". When I get busy it gets so easy not to go outside... ever. Crazy, I know, but I can go to breakfast, lunch, and dinner, go to work, and go to sleep without going near an exit.

Today I had a great day; I am always happy when I get my laundry done early in the day because then even if I don't do ANYTHING else then I feel like I accomplished something. In addition to doing laundry I got to cook! Sure, cooking doesn't seem all that exciting, but when I get to learn something new I always get excited. I got to learn how to cook a delicious meal from a Malagasy. Not many people can say that. A chicken was killed in the making of this lunch. However, I did not eat said chicken, nor did I participate in its killing. Fresh peas! I got to eat fresh peas. I think that is part of the reason why I don't cook very much here: because I don't know how/where to get the good ingredients. Even if I did know where to go I would probably pay too much or not be able to communicate at all. So I am thankful that my teacher was able to gather all the ingredients himself. Something that I was reminded of today was that people can seriously surprise you. I mean look at this presentation...

Who knew that a plumber could be so creative and artistic? Maybe plumbing fosters a sense of appreciation for the beautiful things in life since there is lots of gross stuff to encounter in that profession. Who knows? I'm just making stuff up. 

There are some seriously beautiful sunsets around here. We have such a great view from the top of the gangway:

When I was making pasta today, (a big bowl of pesto covered fusilli makes me a happy lady) I was reading the back of the pasta bag. Take a gander:

Does anything stand out to you? How does Barilla get off claiming that it is "the pasta brand Italians prefer". How can they possibly know that? I thought that they could claim they are the best selling pasta brand (based on sales numbers) and that would be okay. That is not what they are claiming. Then I thought about how they could have polled a random sample of Italians. But what do you define as an Italian? Someone who was born in Italy? First generation Italians? Second? People with one Italian parent? Someone who holds an Italian passport? This is what happens. I find something and then I give it far too much thought. That is my life. Don't do what I do; you'll go crazy.

Have a great Sunday!

A Plate of Plantains

When there is a plate full of golden, delicious, fried plantains, given to me by two different sources I know it is going to be good day.

Saturday was also a great start to the weekend with a beautiful, sunny, walk back to the ship after purchasing the second part of my flights to go home for Christmas! I get to go home and see my family, celebrate the marriage of one my dear friends, and drive! I don't like to devalue the present by filling my thoughts with the future but sometimes it is nice to have something to look forward to, especially when your current situation still doesn't feel "normal". Since the ship is full of coming and going you will often hear people talking about where they came from and where they are going next. It is often hard to hear people talk about what comes next for them and be thrilled about getting back to "normal" and get out of the craziness of the ship. It is especially hard when you are being left behind. I believe that is true of any situation; it is always hard to be the one being left than the one leaving. Anyway, I digress.Yesterday, the day ended with a birthday party full of dancing and laughter; a great way to set up a wonderful Sunday.

I hope you have had a wonderful weekend and I wish you a wonderful week.

It is Just A Game

This weekend I participated in a young adult retreat hosted by some of the crew on board the ship. The topic revolved around a series by Andy Stanley called "Guardrails". There were six topics where we watched a video and then broke into smaller group to discuss content and thoughts. Along with the spiritual aspect there were lots of fun activities to get people involved. It was also really nice to meet some of the new crew and put faces to their names that I seen on paper for months.

Group games. I'm not a huge fan of these types of activities but I see the value in them. Yesterday we had three, one at the beginning of each "session". The first one I really liked, the second one I didn't mind, and the third one was a complete disaster for me. This was the premise. Everyone had a partner and was standing in a big circle. One person of each pair was blindfold and had to retrieve one of their partner's shoes (which were in a big pile in the middle of the circle). It doesn't seem so bad, right? Just a little chaos to have some fun. Well, this game devastated me. Yes, devastated. It was because my inadequacy was put on display for everyone to see. I know you are thinking that I am overreacting and that thought is a little excessive. Vulnerability is one of the most difficult things for me to deal with. I like to be in control, I don't trust people, and I am happy that I can take care of myself. Yes, I see that all of those things are areas I need to deal with, and are certainly a cause for discussion, but let's save that for another time. Putting on a blindfold and being put at the mercy of another person is a nightmare for me. Once I realized I was one of the last people in that circle, and there were 80 sets of eyes around me, I lost it. Why wasn't anyone trying to help? Why did everyone continue to make noise and make it more challenging to try an accomplish the task at hand? Why did people just push me away when I ran into them when they could see. I don't know why this hurt me so much, but every time I think about it I start to cry. I cry, and I can't stop because I continue to think how much we see each other struggle and we don't do anything to help. Conversely, we may try to help but our instructions send the person in the wrong direction again. Does that mean we shouldn't try to help for fear of misguiding or misleading someone? I don't know. I don't know how to answer that. Life hurts a whole lot, so I would ask you to take hold of someone who is going the wrong direction and help them in their decision as to which direction to take next. Please don't just push them away with a quick word and hope for the future; show them how to get where they need to go. You can be there to equip them, if you so choose. I understand that this is not always an option and it is hard to think about helping someone else when you don't have yourself together, but you never know the great impact you can make unless to reach out. Who knows? They might even help you in the process.

On a prettier note (because my messy crying face isn't all that attractive), here is a pretty sunset from yesterday. The bow lines are stretching across the water, keeping us from floating away.

Ta Da!

As I was sitting at a lovely table located on deck 7 (which is kind of like sitting on a covered porch) I thought about how the tables got there. They just appeared after the sail. I didn't see anyone doing it but someone tirelessly pulled them out of their sailing storage space and set them out so many people could use them to enjoy a meal, sit, chat, read a book and many other things. So, what else just "appears around the ship".

1. A fully made bed. When a new crew member first gets here their bed is made and there are towels and a treat waiting for them.
2. Food. Everyday food just appears in the dining room, ready to be eaten. We aren't allowed to go in the galley so we know there are people up there cooking but we can't see it.
3. Mail and packages from the container. Last week I got some mail and was told I could just go by the post office and pick it up. How did it get there? How many hands contributed to delivering it, unpacking it and processing it?
4. Toilet paper in the public washrooms. Thank goodness that appears regularly because you can't yell down the hallway at anyone to bring you some.
5. Cold air from the ceiling. I gained a serious appreciation for this during the warmth of ship yard when we didn't have any A/C.
6. Fast internet. I don't know how it gets hooked up, or who presses what buttons but all of a sudden we can use Youtube and Skype without any issues.
7. Birthday parties. I am very lucky to have many people on the ship who care about me enough to want to help me celebrate my birthday with a big family dinner.

Thank you to all of the people that contribute to making things appear on the ship, you are appreciated.

What's that in the sky?

I love a good wake. I'd love it more if I were surfing on it, but beggars can't be choosers. This particular wake wouldn't be good for surfing anyway:

Isn't it beautiful? That is without any filters or enhancements of any kind! It is so mesmerizing to watch. Unfortunately if I look at it for too long my seaworthiness leaves me completely and I become a landlubber.

There will be no more wake watching for a while because we are in Madagascar!

As I was eating breakfast I could see some of the members of the deck department preparing for arrival.  

It is unclear to me what was attracting their attention in the sky but what do I know about mooring operations? It did make me think of my post from last year: http://marinajosephine.blogspot.com/2014/10/its-bird-its-plane-its-gangway.html.  It was a serious process to get the ship all set up next to the dock. Even just to turn around (so we could back in) seemed to take forever. Last field service we had to move a couple of times to reset the anchors and the goal this time was to set once and be good to go. Hopefully things went according to plan so we can stay put. Being here has me very excited about reclaiming a routine and having the surroundings be familiar again.  Getting up early to walk, knowing where to find a quiet spot on the beach, having a chance to walk off the ship any night of the week and just feel free to roam, are all just nice things to know I can do even if I don't do them all the time.

Upon arrival many people immediately noticed that a ship with crew members awaiting trial for illegal exportation of rose wood was still sitting at the dock. They have been there for a very long time. I can't imagine how frustrating that must be, especially if you had no idea that someone was up to something. Maybe something great will happen soon so they can get back to their families.

This week is going to be a busy week! We are expecting A LOT of new crew tomorrow, and Tuesday is when all the day crew comes on board for their orientation. The ship is not going to be quiet anymore and the lunch line is going to be madness. It is all for the best though, because the hospital will open soon and lives are going to be changed (not just the patients').

Have a great week!

Game Changer

What happened last week?

Hmmm....

Well, on Sunday I had a wonderful experience. Let me explain...
Earlier in the week someone had unexpectedly asked me to go to church. I was a little hesitant but thought I could not turn them down, so I agreed. On Sunday I woke up particularly unhappy and disheartened because of a few things that had gone down on Saturday. I really didn't want to go to church, especially when it meant I had to get up at 6:30, get dressed, and act like I didn't hate life. Well, the person that invited me to go to church didn't show up, but luckily there were several other people that were still going so I was still able to go; I hadn't woken up for nothing. I was incredibly skeptical but when I walk into the small church I was warmly greeted and ushered to the very front of the congregation. As worship started, I was thinking. Thinking about life, about loss, about what I haven't figured out, about what the point of all the hurt was, and I just started crying. Now, crying is not uncommon for me at church but this was not the best venue for me to have sad tears running down my face. I was with people from the ship I didn't know particularly well, in a church I had never been to before.  As I was watching the worship team sing and dance with such joy I eventually stop crying and I felt better. I wouldn't call it peace, but I would just say I felt better. I left that church with a smile on my face and joy in my heart, and it was real. It doesn't make complete sense but it was a turning point. At least it felt that way.

Other than that excitement, I got my annual TB test, so I got to sport this lovely circle for a couple of days (the pen didn't last very long despite my lack of scrubbing)...

Good news: I don't have TB! 

I also got an unexpected gift to remind me of South Africa and that people care about me!

The ship is still in Durban but we hope to head for Madagascar soon. Unfortunately I can't divulge any specifics but hopefully we will have more shareable information soon!