Lost It

To say this week was an emotional roller coaster would be quite accurate. Wait, I like roller coasters so perhaps I will edit that to be it was a week of huge highs and death drop lows. I celebrated an answer to prayer, I cried when I thought it was taken away. I laughed harder than I have in ages with a wonderful group of women. I cried because I didn't get cheese for my sandwich. I cried because I am not humble and I can't delight in other people's successes. I smiled thinking about being loved. I cried because what I thought were mandatory meetings are meetings that crew are strongly encouraged to attend (mandatory implies repercussions for non attendance). I cried because of the injustices in the system and the feeling that if I were to be a lawyer I might cry for the rest of my life dealing with situations such as this. I cried because I got flowers that I didn't deserve from a mystery giver. I ate the best lunch and laughed on the way to the ship in the back of a pousse pousse. Yes, I am a crazy lady sometimes and the little things cause me to lose myself to the point where I am walking out of the dining room with tears running down my face because I can't handle standing in line to get lunch anymore. Then I talk to other people and realize that I am not alone in how I feel. Sometimes people hide all the hardest parts of their lives for a whole slew of reasons, I am sure. I usually do because I don't want to be perceived as negative and awful, because no one likes a complainer, and because sometimes I feel like what I am thinking/worrying about is something that I have made more complex in my mind and that it isn't even that hard.

You are not alone.