Hazards

I saw these barricades on the stairs a couple of weeks ago and I thought it was a little dramatic. This is because I think that calling something a life hazard seems to imply impending doom. Now that I think about it, it might be really nice if these warnings showed up more often. As I have an aversion to making mistakes, having a little help steering away from danger, risky decisions, and actions that have not been fully thought out would be quite nice. Well, you might say that if you never encountered a challenging situation, or made any mistakes you would not really be living. It seems as though the best learning situation comes from making a wrong turn; saying the wrong thing, giving too much or too little information in answering a question, giving the wrong impression, and the list goes on. I hate coming up short. It makes me feel unprepared, inadequate, and like I failed. The other thing is that when I make a mistake it opens me up for criticism, and the next worst thing to making a mistake is having someone else let you know that you made a mistake. It is kind of ridiculous as I am incredibly critical of other people and their work. So, I know that everyone makes mistakes and that is why we have systems in place to catch and correct them. One of the difficult parts of life is when you are criticized for something that doesn't seem like it warrants criticism. The number of friends I have shouldn't matter. Where I choose to eat my meals shouldn't matter. Just because I don't do things the way someone else expects them to be done doesn't warrant a criticism of my actions. I will never ever be able to make everyone happy, befriend everyone, and solve every problem. I know that, but it doesn't mean that it sits well with me. I want to be everywhere, helping everyone, and I wish I were more charismatic, more charming, more friendly, more self-confident, more, more, more. I'm not. I know I often hear people's mere comments and take them as criticism when they were not meant that way. I am aware that I often that things too personally. It is not an easy habit to kick. My parents have been urging me to build a thicker skin for years. It may be happening but a a glacial pace.

Maybe the criticisms are barricades, made to steer you in another direction, not to keep doing the same thing that you are used to doing. In the past week I have heard the following a few times "Isn't that the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result?" Perhaps we are there for one another to provide guidance and make sure we don't go insane. The challenging part comes with the presentation and the reception. It has to be done with love or it is doomed. The most well intentioned comment can ruin a relationship, someone's self-esteem, a mood and so much more if it is done from the wrong place. It hurts me to be wrong but often I can't be right without first being wrong. Also, I can't help other people be right if I myself have not gone through the process of correcting my own wrong.

There it is. I had a wonderful weekend full of laughter, tears, and memories (old and new). I hope that the week ahead is full of learning opportunities for me and for you.

With great love,

Marina