Making a Place

I've thought about writing many times since I have been home. I've also thought about how somethings are just better left unsaid, and how it was nice to be able to "hide" for a while. There is this strange issue that I struggle with when it comes to social media: where is the line between sharing and bragging? I don't know. I suppose it is your personal intention. However, that intention can be perceived differently by each person and sometimes you can trick yourself into thinking that you are doing something for the right reasons, even if you are not. Here I am, wanting to share in order to stay connected, to let it out, and to give thanks.

The first few weeks of being home were a very strange experience where I didn't feel like I fit. I didn't want to be back on the ship but I wasn't particularly comfortable at home. Then things got busy, I found things to do, and it started to feel better. I went water skiing at the lake and I got to spend so really good quality time with most my immediate family members.

Making gnocchi with Nonna

I was able to take some time and prepare items to bring to Ottawa. My mom and I found these end tables and I was really hoping to strip the stain and stain them a bit lighter but I had to change my plan when the stripping agent ruined the already exposed wood. I know many people will hate me for painting the tables but that was all I was capable of doing at that point.

My mom and I were able to make a couple of trips to Ottawa to bring furniture and "stuff" to start setting things up. Thanks to my mom I didn't have to worry about finding an apartment last minute. I am really happy that we were able to move ahead of time because that took away a lot of potential stress when it came to school starting. I have spoken to so many people who moved into their places days before school started and who had only seen them online. I don't I would have handled that very well. They are way braver than I am. I also got to visit with my mom's family that lives just outside of Ottawa and came to know that they are incredibly kind people and I am so happy to have them nearby.

I had a visitor from the ship! My very wonderful and fabulous boyfriend made the long journey to come visit. Let me just say that getting a visitor visa is not easy. It really brought to light how special we are as Canadians (among others) to be able to freely enter so many countries, without having to apply for anything ahead of time. Before we did anything exciting it was time to complete the triathlon I had been training for since... forever. I had a great time and although it was difficult I was happy with how I did.  I did fall off my bike at the turn around. Whoops! I turned too wide and hit some sand and since road bike wheels have so little traction, I lost it. I was fine. What's a triathlon without a little blood?

Since it was Edward's first time to Canada I got to participate in lots of touristy activities. We went to Niagara Falls (I had never been) with my aunt, uncle, and cousins.

We went to a Jays game and an Argos game. Who are the Argos? They are Toronto's team in the Canadian Football League. We had incredible seats for both games but they were totally different. (far away for the Jays, super close for the Argos). If you go to a Jays game don't be afraid to sit in the 500s; the view is great!

Canada's Wonderland (theme park) was on the list of destinations. Edward went on his very first roller coaster (Leviathan) and loved it.

We made pizza with Nonna. 

We tried to go to Ottawa but we found this roadblock...

We were first on the scene and thought we might be able to move it enough to get by but that was dreadfully unsuccessful. Thankfully a woman who lived just up the road pulled up behind us. She called her husband and he brought a chainsaw. It was cleared in no time and off we went.

Light show at Parliament

Then it was time to celebrate Edward's birthday. What exciting things did we do? We went bowling with my aunt, uncle, and cousins and then Edward and I went to the movie theatre to watch Summerslam. Huh? Yup. Wrestling. He loved it and when I watched is as entertainment rather than reality I have to admit I had a good time as well. The next day he got two more cakes. So a total a three birthday cakes, not bad (I only got two).

Then it was time to say goodbye so Edward could get back to the ship. 

Then I had to start saying some more goodbyes. First goodbye; the lake.

And then it was time to say goodbye to "home". But not before I got to celebrate my birthday with my family getting tomatoes into jars.

 

And those are my last few months in a nutshell.

Somebody Loves You

I wanted to post ages ago but the internet on the ship was not letting me write or post so now that I am home I can fill you in on the past few weeks.

Our departure from Madagascar was heart wrenching for many people. The tugboats gave us a special goodbye.

The sail kicked me in the but. On the calmest, most beautiful day of the sail I was crying because I felt so sick. I have no idea what was going on but after the crew nurse gave me some drugs I felt much better and then when the sea got rough again I was fine. It doesn't make any sense. I also received the most thoughtful gift:

To you it looks like a can of ginger ale. To me it was a the sign of a sacrifice and the result of a search. You see, there hasn't been any ginger ale on board for ages and so I have no idea where this was obtained. I know that someone loves me very much. Please know that someone loves you too; see the love in the little things. 

Saying goodbye to people on the ship didn't cause any dramatic displays of emotion. However, I think it hasn't hit me yet. I will miss that community and how it changed my life. I am thankful I won't have to make such a long airplane trip for the foreseeable future. 20 hours of airplane travel is too much for someone of my advanced age.  I was in awe thinking about how a giant structure was flying at 600km/h in the sky. As amazing as it is I have resolved not to fly so far unless I can do it in first class; even then I would have to consider it for a long time.

When I got home I was greeted by lots of hugs and delicious homemade pizza. As comfortable as my bed was I still woke up at 4am. That's okay. At least the sun rises pretty early so I didn't have to be in the dark for long.

That is all for now. I am wondering whether to keep writing this blog. Maybe I am writing for my AFM family now instead. I'd be thrilled to hear what you think.

Packing Up

It is time. This view makes it abundantly clear that the ship will soon leave the port of Toamasina, Madagascar and not return in the near future.

Cars loaded on deck 8 of the ship, strapped to the deck and ready to bear the waves and wind that may await the vessel on the short journey to South Africa. I cannot tell you exactly when we will leave because that will compromise the security of the ship.

I am still experiencing a heart of stone; one with no emotion toward anyone leaving. However, I have started to think about what I will miss by not being on board anymore. I have to remind myself that although there are wonderful things about being here it is just not my place anymore.

I watched all three of my roommates pack up and either change cabins or leave the ship this past week. It made me realize that I have way too much stuff to bring it all home with me. The difficult part is going to be figuring out what is worth bringing home and what I can rationally convince myself to leave behind. The problem is I have a hard time leaving things that are useful but not necessarily important, such as shampoo, conditioner, greeting cards, and glass food storage containers. I guess I will just have to start packing and then figure out what fits and what doesn't.

As the ship and its residents prepares for its imminent departure from this extraordinary country, I can only remember. Remember the friendly people, the amazing market, the sunny days and torrential downpours. Memories are a beautiful gift; you can take them wherever you go and you don't have to pay for extra baggage.

Moving On

There goes May. Hello June!

I am not going to say I am worrying about school but I will say that I am starting to develop some... thoughts about making new friends, managing work load, and being able to find a job at the end of this whole process. First of all, friends. It became very clear to me recently that although I may know many people on the ship I have a friendship with very few of them. That is true of my life in general. I am going to a place where I now have to make new friends and that causes unreasonable amounts of stress for me. Yes, I will be studying a great deal but I don't want to spend the next 4 years alone with my books. So deep breathes on that subject.

The ship is getting quieter. There are some benefits to this situation: the ship is literally quieter, the laundry slot availability has increased, and there are less people in the lunch line. There are also some disadvantages: lots of emotions... that is all I can think of. Yes, my heart is a stone. Honestly, I feel like I have been blessed with this lack of emotions right now because I could just as easily be a wreck. I have seen so many tears around me as people wave goodbye, and people feeling undervalued because their cabins are getting used for someone else the moment after they leave but that is life on the ship. There were three high school graduates on the ship this year. The whole community was invited to watch their graduation ceremony on Thursday. They all presented a speech to the crowd and were all incredibly well spoken. What an experience. I got a housing request for a family with a teenager the other day and my first reaction was that if that were me I would have been so mad. To have my parents rip me out of my life and take me to a unknown and start all over. Then I got to thinking that although it might be a difficult transition it might be the best thing that ever happened; one of the graduates shared that her experience was like that. The families here are incredible. Although I nearly got knocked over by a child while holding a cake that took me ages to make and decorate, I still think the families are great. I have seen two kids go from babies to walking toddlers and there is an inexplicable feeling of affection toward them. This makes me even more excited to see my own family and my niece that should be running around soon enough. I mean look at this kid:

Those pants are so cute. The frying pan on the stool in the background is a mystery to me. My sister was sick which means that my mom was in charge so anything can happen when grandma is running the show.

I have been carb loading like a champion. For what, you may ask. Nothing. No reason but tortillas, bread, pasta, rice, you name it, are all life staples. Terrible, I know. I keep saying I am going to stay away from it but then I hear it calling me, like a Siren, just waiting for me to crash on the shore. Rude. This is the opposite of half of my family who is doing a carb elimination diet. Maybe I am trying to compensate for them; joke's on me.

Still training for the race. The bike rides are giving me a sore where my tail bone hits. Any advice? I am actually excited for my "long" run tomorrow. I say "long" because it isn't all that long, but it is my longest of the week; 32 minutes.

Laundry is done, cabin is clean, and blog is written. Saturday is a wrap.

An Ode to the Weekend - a.k.a. baking and eating

My 100th post!

My Saturday can be summarized with just a few words:

Tortillas
Laundry
Peanut Sauce
Vanilla cake
Chocolate cake
Tired
Sore feet
Swimming
Stomach full of tortillas and peanut sauce
the Mentalist
Clean, warm bed

Sunday too:

Chocolate chip cookies
Icing
Cake decorating
Lunch - peanut sauce
Movie
Nap
Run
Cry
Still running
Mild hyperventilation
Still running
Dinner

The future holds the following:
Church
Party
Sleep

Ramblings

This was a struggle.

Always changing. That is what life is and what it is supposed to do. If we all stayed the same then there would be no progress, no learning. Despite the truth in that, it is still a challenge to manage the never ending change. Sometimes is it welcome and worth celebration like babies, graduations, and new opportunities. Conversely there are those moments that are no fun like saying goodbye, trying to make new friends, unending life competition, and the list goes on.
I am thankful that I have not been burdened with worry about the unknown future. I can say God has really helped me with that; more trust in God makes less need to worry about things I cannot control. I am thankful that I have come to terms with the fact that I cannot control everything, nor do I really want to anymore; that would be a job I am not qualified to do. I want to be more understanding and compassionate but sometimes that selfish creatures creeps up inside of me and I become a person I am not proud to be. I hope those moments will become less and less as time wears on. I hope that I will be more full of love than of fear. I hope the spirit of forgiveness will overshadow any jealously and resentment. I hope for change.

I am picture less today. I won't apologize for that as there is nothing wrong with not having a picture to share. I am getting way to emotional about this; time for bed!

Home Depot and Heart Change

Have you ever wondered where Malagasy people buy wood to build houses, fences, and who knows what else? This is Home Depot in Madagascar:

It smelled beautiful amongst all the fish and meat. I can't say why, but it always makes me smile when I pass this area of the market. It is just so simple and clear where it all came from and that so many people worked very hard to collect and prepare it.

Anyway, we had a three day weekend, the last one of the field service. It was quite rainy; perfect for laziness. Today the sun has come out which works in my favour because Sunday is run day in the training schedule. I usually strongly dislike the rain because I don't like to get my feet and clothes, and everything else wet but on Saturday I really wanted to go outside and I need to be alone so I put on my raincoat (this might have been the second time ever since I have been away) and went for a walk. The weather was cool so I wasn't sweating like crazy inside my jacket and so it was a very pleasant outing. I also made made pizza dough (I even sprung for the 00 flour) and while I was in the crew galley another person came in and asked if she could play some music. First of all I am thrilled that she was so courteous and asked, as sometimes people are playing music and singing along and all I can think is that they are being inconsiderate of the other people in the room. I recognize that everyone needs their time and space and that looks different for each person, so I would never tell someone to turn off their music but it does irk me sometimes. Anyway, she is from Durban and she was listening to a band from there called Gangs of Ballet. I think my musical tastes have changed significantly in the past year or so. I can't say that my hip hop days are over but they are fewer, and being replaced by softer melodies with less explicit lyrics. I know it seems strange but for a long time I thought that my musical tastes were a barrier to my relationship with God. As I have moved away from the profanities and lyrics that in no way enhance the positive influence in my life I have seen a change of heart, a space has been created and the barrier broken down. I don't know that I will ever fully give up a good, deep beat but things have changed and I am excited.

In other news, my wonderful parents secured me somewhere to live next year! My mom is so good to me, going all the way to Ottawa to look at places for me. It was a strange emotional sequence: excitement, guilt, sadness, thankfulness. The guilt and sadness is because it is so opulent and I could have insisted that we get something smaller and older and saved money. However, it was so pretty and the windows captivated me. I have to remind myself to be grateful and appreciate that my parents have worked very hard to be able to give my somewhere amazing to live! You can be sure that visitors will be welcomed with open arms. 

The rest of the day involves running, pizza making, talking to my mother and grandmother, and helping to host a large group of guests this afternoon/evening.

Happy Mothers Day!