You Won't See Me Back Here Again

Those were the words that a police officer said he has heard so many times from people waiting to be seen in court. Unfortunately they do not always stand by their word because he sees the same people time and time again. Yesterday I went to observe in bail court in Bracebridge. I was able to shadow an incredibly kind and brilliant lawyer through client interviews, discussions with the Crown prosecutor, and talks with the police. It was surreal. There are actual people behind the glass (or plastic), with real lives, and real problems and that is their reality. The lawyer was not just an advocate, she was a counsellor, a social worker, and she was a real person. The courtroom was not full of people arguing and trying to outsmart the other; the justice of the peace, the lawyers, the clerk, and the reporter were all working together. I am not sure if this day made me want to be a lawyer or if it pushed me in the other direction but it was a very welcome change of pace and dose of reality. I had a great day. I have been having a few more of those lately and that gives me hope.
Registration for classes was today and I got what I wanted but now I am terrified that I put too much on my plate. I did exactly what I was told not to do and took the courses with the most reading in the same semester. I did it because of the professors that were teaching them; I have heard really good things about them and I thought having good professors was more important than sanity. That being said, I hope I won't see myself back in the state I have been in for the past year. It has been one year since I returned home from the Africa Mercy. If you have been reading, you know that it has been a tumultuous time and the transition was not smooth, by any stretch of the imagination. I am trying to create a new routine. I am starting to "run" again. I say "run" because it is more walking than running, and not so much running as it is jogging. I hopped in the lake last week (it was cold) and it will be a while before swim season starts but I am looking forward to that. I have been clinging to other people to make my life make sense but I know I have to do that for myself. I don't want to leave anyone behind or be doing things for myself when I could be spending time with them, so I end up just wasting my life away waiting around for other people. Maybe that is why this year was so difficult; I wasn't living I was just existing. I feeling like I have had that realization before, but today is a new day so I'll just take that thought and roll with it. I can be happy, even if it means that I have to live differently than I pictured it. I'm scared. Everyday.

On another note... what's a day off without some cannelloni making with Nonna? Google told me that when you make them with crepes (like we did) they are actually manicotti. That is pretty significant considering I have been calling them cannelloni for 27 years.